5 Movies I'd Like to See

Dear Hollywood:

As you become more and more sapped for new movie ideas, I offer this to you: Five movies that I (and I believe millions of others) would like to see…

1) A remake of The Godfather
C'mon Hollywood, you've remade, rebooted, reimagined, and reengineered every other noteworthy (and not) previous work of singular creativity (whether you've changed the title or not). You've been trolling the creative waters of the past 40 years and what has it got you? Countless "Predator" sequels, prequels and WTFquels , three Batman reboots, two King Kong remakes, and a Willy Wonka re-imagining. It's time to head out to the deep waters where you can catch the big one, the Moby Dick of all remakes.

2) Another movie that's a third generation version on the Broadway musical version of itself that was in turn originally based on the same movie to begin with before it was that musical (e.g. The Producers, Hairspray, The Wiz, etc.).

3) A stop motion puppet version of The Exorcist
You know, shit like "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Nestor, the Long-eared Donkey." NO computer animation crap. Using the actual, complete soundtrack of the 1973 classic film, this would be a scene-by-scene, shot-by-shot, frame-by-frame EXACT reenactment of the entire film with every offensive, disgusting scene - acted out with little puppet dolls in little puppet doll house sets. It's all here: the fitly, disgusting language, the projectile vomiting, the kid pissing on the carpet, even the crucifix masturbation scene. ESPECIALLY the death the crucifix masturbation scene. Uncensored, uncut, unfreakin'believable.

4) A Movie About the Phone Book
Everyone's always saying it: "He's so good, I'd watch him inna movie about the phone book," "She's such a good actor, she could read the phonebook," "That director is so inventive she/he could shoot the phone book." Okay. So let's see it.

5) Rent-A-Zombie
Thirteen zombies have risen from their graves. Not the stereotypical flesh-eating ghouls, these docile zombies are met with discrimination and violence, prohibiting them from re-entering society – until an entrepreneur sees a profitable venture in the recreational rental of the living dead.