Which Decade?

No, this is NOT from a Saturday Night Live sketch back in the 70s.

Virtually everything about this photo (from Sunday, December 12, 2010's Face the Nation program) looks like it was taken in the 1970s. It's got it all... brown suit, mustache and a really nice back drop.

We Got 'im!

Breath a sigh of relief, and sleep easy this night, America, knowing that We Got 'im!!!

Yep, the WikiRapist is in custody and the United States is once again safe from the reckless, dangerous actions of yet another insane mad man.

We couldn't really get Julian Paul Assange, the famed spokesperson and editor in chief for WikiLeaks on any charge that had to do with posting other people's emails (a.k.a. cables), so thank God, he is ALSO a rapist!

This comes as GREAT news for all of us whose lives were endangered by the traitorous actions of this sexual deviant--and that's ALL of you, America.

I am positive sure that when authorities (the good guys... the United States government) finally gets a look inside this pervert's computer, they'll for sure find child pornography to boot--because that's the profile of these treacherous computer hacker types who publish America's secrets. This guy is so textbook he's a cliche.

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Swedes for finding that crazy condom loophole in the rape laws that allowed for the rape charges to be re-instated, even after the women Assange allegedly raped had the nerve to say they were not raped by him at all and that the intimate enterprise was indeed consensual (those stupid broads don't realize that America's security is far more important than any vaginal technicality which they may wish to throw in our faces).

Now we see why laws that, when read out of the context of the needs of the U.S.A., which may seem inane, are, in the long run, actually important to have in a pinch like this, when the most powerful country in the history of the planet comes calling.

And a shout out to our British lackeys, I mean honorary compatriots, who are helping secure America by holding this sick, treasonous bastard for us until we finally get him back in America where he belongs, and where the swift, merciless water board of justice will swoop down upon him, prying his tongue loose of his sources and once again pulling the blanket of security over out heads.

WikiRapist: 0
America: 1

Happy Thanksgiving - Light Up!

A 1936 Camel cigarette ad published in Life magazine advised readers to smoke at least one cigarette between each course at their Thanksgiving dinner. You know, “for digestion’s sake.”

To be honest, I'm not sure what's really the worst for you here, smoking the cigarettes or eating the meal they describe...

From the ad:

OFF TO A GOOD START — with hot spiced tomato soup. And then–for digestion’s sake–smoke a Camel right after the soup.

THE MAIN EVENT — The time-honoured turkey of our forefathers–done to a crisp and golden brown–and flanked by a mountain of ruby cranberry jelly. By all means enjoy a second helping. But before you do–smoke another Camel. Camels ease tension. Speed up the flow of digestive fluids. Increase alkalinity. Help your digestion to run smoothly.

DOUBLE PAUSE — First–for the crisp refreshment of a Waldorf Salad–then–once again, for the sheer pleasure of Camel’s costlier tobaccos. This double pause clears the palate–and sets the stage for desert.

WHAT WILL YOU HAVE FOR DESSERT? — Reading in a circle, there’s luscious Pumpkin Pie… Mince Pie a la mode… layer cake with inch-deep icing… a piping-hot Plum Pudding… and Camels to add the final touch of comfort and good cheer. For when digestion proceeds smoothly, you experience a sense of ease and well-being.

SO TO A HAPPY ENDING — over coffee and your after-dinner Camels. Enjoy Camels–every mealtime–between courses and after eating–and you can lean back in your chair feeling on top of the world.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Amazing David Lynch/Dune Footage!

Sean Young shot some AMAZING behind the scenes footage in 1983 while on the set of David Lynch's Dune. Check it out... INCREDIBLE!

RE: Themed Movie Triple Feature 01

Did you guess the common thread among the three films...?

Fractured narrative timeline.

Each of these films is often cited for telling its story in non-chronological fashion.

Themed Movie Triple Feature 01

Hey, kids:

Today I'm introducing a new feature: Themed Movie Triple Features. I'll be suggesting three movies I think you should check out for a combination of their artistic, entertainment, and historic importance.

The three movies share a common theme -- BUT, I won't be telling you what it is (right off the bat); thought it'd be fun if you can take a guess. In a day or so I'll reveal what the theme (as I see it) is... who knows, maybe you'll spot other/different things the films have in common.

Here's your first Themed Movie Triple Feature:

1. Citizen Kane (1941; dir. Orson Welles)

2. The Killing (1956; dir. Stanley Kubrick)

3. Pulp Fiction (1994; dir. Quentin Tarantino)

Happy viewing!

MKJ

Ronald Reagan Takes Charge

David Lynch Gets a Fancy Medal!

My film hero, David Lynch, was awarded this fancy-schmancy medal from some Germans for his lifetime (even though he's still alive and still working) achievement in Film.

While interviewed for the award, he said he still hasn't caught an idea for a new film (Inland Empire, 2006, was Dave's last film). He is working on a doc about the Maharishi and tearing up the canvas like a paintin' fool, in addition to snappin' off some photo work.

Next Saturday, The Germans are giving Dave ANOTHER prize! He's getting the Goslar Kaiserring, an artistic achievement award (previous recepients include Willem de Kooning and Cristo).

Read more here.

More Exorfun!

(Click image for larger view)

Platitude Platypus - 001

(Click image for larger view)

Breakfast Cereals I Want to Eat

(Click image for larger view.)

5 Movies I'd Like to See

Dear Hollywood:

As you become more and more sapped for new movie ideas, I offer this to you: Five movies that I (and I believe millions of others) would like to see…

1) A remake of The Godfather
C'mon Hollywood, you've remade, rebooted, reimagined, and reengineered every other noteworthy (and not) previous work of singular creativity (whether you've changed the title or not). You've been trolling the creative waters of the past 40 years and what has it got you? Countless "Predator" sequels, prequels and WTFquels , three Batman reboots, two King Kong remakes, and a Willy Wonka re-imagining. It's time to head out to the deep waters where you can catch the big one, the Moby Dick of all remakes.

2) Another movie that's a third generation version on the Broadway musical version of itself that was in turn originally based on the same movie to begin with before it was that musical (e.g. The Producers, Hairspray, The Wiz, etc.).

3) A stop motion puppet version of The Exorcist
You know, shit like "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Nestor, the Long-eared Donkey." NO computer animation crap. Using the actual, complete soundtrack of the 1973 classic film, this would be a scene-by-scene, shot-by-shot, frame-by-frame EXACT reenactment of the entire film with every offensive, disgusting scene - acted out with little puppet dolls in little puppet doll house sets. It's all here: the fitly, disgusting language, the projectile vomiting, the kid pissing on the carpet, even the crucifix masturbation scene. ESPECIALLY the death the crucifix masturbation scene. Uncensored, uncut, unfreakin'believable.

4) A Movie About the Phone Book
Everyone's always saying it: "He's so good, I'd watch him inna movie about the phone book," "She's such a good actor, she could read the phonebook," "That director is so inventive she/he could shoot the phone book." Okay. So let's see it.

5) Rent-A-Zombie
Thirteen zombies have risen from their graves. Not the stereotypical flesh-eating ghouls, these docile zombies are met with discrimination and violence, prohibiting them from re-entering society – until an entrepreneur sees a profitable venture in the recreational rental of the living dead.

MORONS IN THE NEWS!

US Tourists Caught With Human Skulls in Greece

(Sept. 17) -- Greek police have charged two American tourists with desecrating the dead after they were caught at the Athens airport with six human skulls in their hand luggage.
Wouldn't it be their "head luggage?"

"The skulls were found in a scanner check during a stop-over in Athens on their way back to the United States," a police official told Reuters. "The coroner confirmed they were human skulls."
I would LOVE to have a still-cap of that scanner screen.

The tourists told police they'd bought the skulls at a souvenir shop on the Greek island of Mykonos and thought they were fakes.
Yeah, I'm sure these two morons are the victims a prankster shop owner, selling skeletal remains at the low-low price of fake novelty skulls... Of course, there is also the question begging to be asked: Where in the hell did this shop owner get human skulls?

They were charged Thursday and then released pending a trial. The tourists were identified as young men but were not named.
I'll name them: "Mor" and "On." Their arrests were reported by several news outlets.

"They bought them ahead of Halloween to decorate their homes.
Who are they -- Barnabas Collins? What else do these morons buy for "decoration" -- human kidneys in an Igloo cooler?

Both tourists were then released and took a flight back to the U.S.," another policeman told CNN.
ATTENTION MORON TOURISTS --- FYI: You can also buy fake skulls for Halloween in the seasonal isle at Rite-Aid.

It's unclear where the skulls came from.
Uh, I think I know.. maybe from atop the neck of a person? Whaddya think?

That ain't all this guy needs.

My Favorite Job Posting Of ALL TIME

Of course, your first question will be: "What the hell were you searching for that returned this job in the results?" Retail. That's the first thing I love about this want ad: you could be looking for a job at Starbucks and this opportunity presents itself as an alternative option...

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START NOW!! Retail Sales-Gay Clientele-NIGHT SHIFT!!
Reply to: job-257477348@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-01-04, 8:24AM

$10/hour to start with raise and free medical insurance after 90 days.

Full-time, 6pm-2:30am, Saturday-Wednesday. The world-famous Nob Hill Adult Theatre has been a male strip club and porn arcade for 38 years! Ideal candidate will be friendly and outgoing with people. Must be comfortable with nudity, gay porn and a sexual atmosphere, cash handling and light janitorial. APPLY IN PERSON w/RESUME IN HAND for priority consideration at the Theatre: 729 Bush Street @Powell.

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/csr/257477348.html
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After reading this posting many times, I'm still not exactly sure what the job actually is.

There's something about nudity, gay porn, sexual atmosphere, and cash handling. Okay, so I'm forming a mental picture here, but then it tacks on that bit about light janitorial (???). Is what I'm cleaning up somehow related to what I was handling cash for? And is what I was handling cash for related to the nudity, gay porn, and sexual atmosphere?

Personally, I am comfortable with nudity, gay porn, and a sexual atmosphere, cash handling HOWEVER, light janitorial is out of the question. I have no problem with Reach-Around Cinema, but I have a college degree, I don't do windows.

I will say thoug, it's a nice perk to have medical insurance (which I guess isn't really a perk if you're working on "Nob Hill").

And finally, what's with that part about applying w/RESUME IN HAND (all caps) for "priority consideration?"

Resume "IN HAND?" What is this ad -- a script for one of the movies they're showing there?